Monday, November 30, 2009

New Beginnings in Honduras...

Greetings again from Honduras. I am getting back to life here in Honduras and am feeling great. The supportive response I got from my last blog was amazing and I appreciate all the emails and messages. It means more than you know.

The elections just ended last night, I am getting ready to move into a new apartment, and things just feel like they are gradually coming a fresh here.

Upon my return I stayed in the capitol one night to hang and say good bye to my good friend Randy. He and his girlfriend decided to head back to the states and I wish them the best. The next day I headed out to the East of Honduras to visit my lovely lady Elisabeth. We just relaxed and had a mellow time. It was awesome.

I returned to my site, Santa Rosa de Cop├ín, three days later. I started by cleaning up my apartment a bit. While I was gone my apartment flooded. My sitemate Kristina came one day to check on my place and she saw it had water all over the floor. She was so awesome as to mop it all up and tidy up the place. I finished off the rest when I returned. The building I live in has construction as they are adding a second floor. They clogged the outside drain hence the flooding. This is also great for sleep as I am woken up 6 days a week by this construction, and if it’s not the guys being loud it’s the dog next door barking at them. This doesn’t help my whole sleeping problem. I can do nothing but smile and say, “I love this country” (just an ounce of sarcasm…I really was happy to get back, upon landing at the airport in the capitol a big smile came over my face and I really felt glad to return, as I knew I was supposed to be back here…those little funny things make me smile though….but I digress).

I then went to a Thanksgiving feast gathering in Marcala in the department of La Paz. Good friends Rachel and Mo hosted and it was awesome. It was a great thanksgiving with great friends, great food, and good times.

Unrelated to the construction I soon will be moving to a new place because of certain circumstances. I really like the possible new place I will be moving into.

And in Honduran news, the elections for the new president took place yesterday. It looks like the “Pepe” Lobo will be the winner but it is not official yet (CNN). This election received much international attention as people here in Honduras and around the world hope it will end the political crisis here in Honduras. The US has now agreed to recognize the elections, along with Costa Rica. Brazil, Argentina, and other countries still refuse to recognize it. The new president will be sworn in on January 27th.

(Former) president Zelaya still sits in the Brazilian embassy. The new agreement by both dueling parties said the future of Mel Zelaya as president would be solved by way of a congressional vote for the remainder of this term. The Supreme Court has to approve it as well but they say before anything Zelaya will have to face trial for breaking constitutional law while in office. This vote is set take place December 2nd.

So while it looks like the political crisis may be coming to an end, there is still a bit of uncertainty, and certainty is necessary to get Honduras completely back on track.

As for work, I go back tomorrow to finish with the kids in the Aldea (small outer town) and then back to the office. My new goal is to start an NGO of my own. More on that to come in future blogs.

I am also starting a new Peace Corps Honduras podcast where I will interview volunteers and have a mini show you can listen to on your iPod or computer. If there is something you want to know about life down here, the country, or have questions please send an email to lavidapodcast@gmail.com . The goal is to get you a fun little show that you can listen to regarding Peace Corps life in Honduras. It will be up in a short time.

So family, friends, folks, and fellows, things are looking brighter here in Honduras. I have this whole new perspective and am trying to remind myself what this whole journey is about. I feel a lot better, am refreshed, and have high hopes for the future. The best thing I am doing is just living, living day to day, and smiling at it all. I’m gonna do what I need to do; be here, be there, work on this, work on that, and maybe some stuff in between. No worries and moving forward…let’s go.

…Until Next time

Monday, November 16, 2009

Gettin back to it....

Greetings again from Honduras. I am sure many of you are noticing I haven’t blogged in a while. For the past month I haven’t been in Honduras…I’ve been in Washington DC.

Well what happened? This is tough to write, but I think there is importance in sharing this. Things were going along in Honduras and quickly I began a slippery slope of sliding into dark times. I was emotionally all over the place my anxiety was through the roof, and I didn’t know where to turn. I have a history of anxiety but it had never got this bad. My pride told me that I could deal with it all myself. We all have the shadow in our lives and the little monsters that we shove away into the closet of our minds past. Well, after long, they want to get out.

With not much distraction, and a lot of alone time, those little monsters came out screaming, and I didn’t know where to turn. Some people turn to booze, some to drugs, but I wouldn’t let myself medicate with any of those. I was just trying to deal with it but things only got worse. Upon talking to Peace Corps in the States, they invited me up to Washington DC, to figure things out.

My time in DC was eye opening. And after a lot of thinking and breakthroughs, I returned back to here to Honduras with a new mindset. So why am I telling everyone this? I am writing this because I want to give you my open reality. I don’t want to hide anything from my experience.

My whole plan was to return to Honduras and act as if I had never left, not telling friends in Honduras or even my family. I think part of it was a little shame. But I was only continuing to hide my situation from those closest to me thus extending my condition. What I found from the people I cared about most is not shame or disappointment, but loving support and words of strength to get me back on my feet. Those who love you are the rock, the team you need to support you. They continue to show you love even when you don’t love yourself.

I discovered some things back here in the states and will continue this process. I found that those little monsters and the shadow will always be there. It is in the coming to terms with it, and with acceptance that this is part of me that starts the healing process. We look at that dark room and those monsters and we get terrified of walking through it, of dealing with it. But it is the fear that holds us captive. Walking through that room is easier than we think, we just need that first step that takes us to the other side.

So I am back today, here to Honduras, with a different mindset and different goals. I have a long way to go. I return with a different plan, a new found self-respect, and the energy to really go for what I want out of my experience. I also have the acceptance that whatever will happen will happen and I just need to live in the now.

I wrote this blog to get off my chest the difficult reality that this service has sometimes brought. It has been a deeply personal time for me but I wanted to share with you this much. By addressing the things that held me back and swallowing my pride I was able to seek what I was looking for. It’s a nice feeling on the other side.

…Until next time